Tracy Lynn's Viewpoints

Archive for March, 2010

Please help in anyway you can to defend Michael. Either financially, signing the petition or writing to your Senators and Reps. If you don’t know about Michael here’s a link to catch up.. Defend Michael Michael is in Leavenworth for killing a known Al-Qaeda terrorist in self defense, during a time of war, inside a combat zone. I received permission from Michaels family to reprint the email, “30 minutes to say goodbye”….After you read this please do what you can to help. Thank you.

To the thousands of supporters of Michael Behenna,

Most of you are aware of the facts in the case involving 1Lt Michael Behenna as detailed at www.defendmichael.com. These facts in and of themselves are horrific and represent a total betrayal of a young man who truly fought for his country against a determined and ruthless enemy. But few of you know the gut wrenching details that transpired after Judge Dixon denied the motion for a mistrial.

It was a Friday, March 20, 2009, three weeks AFTER Michael was convicted of unpremeditated murder for the killing of Al Qaeda terrorist Ali Mansur. Before we left Michael’s apartment to drive to the courtroom for the mistrial hearing, Michael gave his mother Vicki his billfold and car keys in case the unimaginable happened. Michael seemed prepared for the worst since he had been disappointed many times during his trial. Yet the thought that the Judge would not declare a mistrial seemed a remote possibility to us that morning. Based upon Vicki’s experience with such matters as a federal prosecutor this should have been an open and shut case for granting a new trial. But at 2pm that afternoon our world came crashing down when the judge denied the motion for mistrial claiming that Dr. MacDonell’s testimony would NOT have changed the jury’s verdict. He then told us that the defendant had thirty minutes to say good bye to his family.

We were stunned and in disbelief inside that courtroom. Tears instantly fell from our eyes at the news. Michael’s girlfriend Shannon collapsed on the floor sobbing. Vicki and I reached for Michael, but he didn’t want to be touched by anyone. Shannon’s father was incensed at the prosecutors. Michael stood there stoically – his life changed forever. The family was ushered to a holding room where we had thirty minutes to say goodbye. Michael sat silently as one by one each of us hugged him and told him how much we loved him and that we would do everything possible to correct this injustice. Members of Michael’s platoon told him to stay strong. A Sergeant Major that Michael had worked with on post the previous three weeks knelt beside Michael and told him ‘You will always be a soldier.’ He then stood and saluted Michael. The last thing Michael said to us before an MP escorted him away was “Don’t let me be forgotten.” Then, just like that, he was gone.

We stood outside the courtroom and waited until a military van whisked Michael away to the county jail where he would await transfer to Leavenworth. The family then drove to Michael’s apartment where we spent the next several hours packing his belongings for shipment back to Oklahoma. Going through Michael’s things only deepened our sense of loss. As parents you want to protect your children from harm and we were utterly powerless to do so. We packed away Michael’s things in silence.

The next day Vicki, Shannon and I were able to visit Michael at the county jail where he was locked up with common criminals. Shannon has a vivid memory of seeing Michael in an orange jump suit leaning up against the wall waiting for his turn to visit. She says he looked like a little boy who was lost and unsure of what was happening to him. We knew what this young man was made of inside. There is no quit in him and whatever life threw at him he would survive it and come out stronger on the other end. But that knowledge did not ease the pain of seeing our son in such a place.

That would be the last time we would see or talk to Michael for over a month. Among the many actions the Army has taken against our son there is one that is truly unforgiveable. For his trip to Fort Leavenworth prison Michael was dressed in his officer’s uniform and then paraded visibly handcuffed through the Nashville airport, then the Milwaukee airport, and then the Kansas City airport; flying from one airport to another on a commercial jet with two MP’s on each side of him.

The only reason we knew he had been transferred to Leavenworth was because one of the flight attendants on Michael’s flight from Milwaukee to Kansas City noticed this young man in an Army uniform in handcuffs with the two MP’s sitting beside him. Near the end of the flight Michael asked for a pencil and paper and simply wrote the phrase ‘defendmichael.com’ and handed it back to the attendant. The flight attendant went to Michael’s website that very night and posted a comment telling us that Michael was on his flight.

It has already been twelve months since Michael went to prison. But in those twelve months Michael’s story just keeps gaining momentum. Because of you he has not been forgotten. 250,000 hits on his website with over 1,500 comments posted. Over 15,000 signatures on his online petition. Over 12,000 friends on the Free Michael Behenna Facebook page. Over 3,000 people wearing defendmichael wristbands. Hundreds and hundreds of letters sent to Congressmen, Senators, and Military Leaders. And then there are the countless people who have been so inspired by Michael’s story that they have taken action on their own. For example, a retired police officer in New York has somehow gotten postage stamps made that say defendmichael.com. Another supporter is distributing bumper stickers and others are passing out flyers in their communities. The founder of the Band of Mothers organization helped arrange meetings with members of Congress regarding Michael. And recently Michael couldn’t believe his ears when he heard Michael Savage of the Savage Nation radio show talking about his case as he was sitting in his prison cell. There is even the possibility of an HBO documentary on Michael’s story.

One year into his imprisonment Michael is living one day at a time. He is trying to make sense of what has happened while holding onto the hope that his freedom is not fourteen years away. I’m reminded of a line by the playwright Aeschylus which says ‘And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.’ If it is from pain that wisdom does spring forth, then Michael is becoming a very wise soul indeed.

Again, from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU for your continued support and prayers for a soldier we proudly call our son.

Scott and Vicki Behenna

Micheal’s Website

I decided to answer that question on my blog because I get asked it a lot.. “Do you blame God for your cancer?”
The answer is a loud, emphatic NO. I do not believe God is, in any way, the cause of cancer or any other terrible disease. “Then who do you blame?”. That’s a tougher question to answer but I’ll try. Remember, these are my own thoughts and beliefs and in no way associated with the Church or Medical profession.
I believe that man is responsible for all the diseases that we see today. Even when a child dies at birth I do not believe God made it happen. I certainly am not saying it’s the parents fault, not by a long shot. But I believe God does not make mistakes.
I think that for generations we have been polluting the air, water, and soil with our waste and this leads to illness, some we can trace back to the source, some we never will be able to trace. I think probably each generation all the way down the line has been responsible for their share of pollution and now it’s in our DNA, we continue to hand it down and diseases become stronger with each new generation.
When I was growing up cancer was so rare that in polite company it was referred to as “The big C”. Now I think everybody has been affected by cancer either directly or a relative or friend.
Take a look at the “food” we eat. Have you read a label lately? Do you know what those additives are? How many times a week do we eat fast food because our lives are too busy to cook good nutritious food? And when we do cook at home the ingredients we use are full of chemicals.
The next question I usually get is, “Then why doesn’t God cure the sick people?”. We’re not supposed to know all the answers and I certainly don’t, but here’s my theory on that.
I believe God gave man the tools and intelligence to take care of us. I believe that man could cure cancer if the Government would let them. Scientist are working on it and in Texas I know of a doctor that has learned to “turn off” cancer cells. My belief is that government thinks that would not be beneficial to them so they take away the needed money and/or make it next to impossible for the scientists to do their work.
Why do I think that of the government? Well, why wouldn’t I? Every single night, in this Country alone, millions of kids go to bed hungry. That is IF they have a bed to sleep in, there are too many that are homeless. This could be fixed if we tried.
So there you have it. My answer to the question. It’s not a popular theory I know. People are always looking for a Supreme being to lay all the blame on. Sorry, I think we need to look in the mirror a little more often. I think we need to get on our knees a lot more often.
God Bless,
Tracy Lynn

I just wanted to say thank you for all the kind words and well wishes, they mean a lot to me. I’m doing better, weighed in at radiation this morning and I’ve gained 3 lbs so I’m happy about that. I’m on new anxiety meds but I don’t really like them. They seem to slow down my brain and as far as I’m concerned it’s already slow enough.
I’ve been doing some soul searching while I’ve been ‘unplugged’. I really think that the dead German Shepard was more than I could bear. I love animals with my very being and although I understand that Kylee did what she thought she had to do to protect me, it was none the less traumatic to watch the poor thing die.
I’ve been spending all of my time with Mike and Kylee which has been great but I’ll probably get back on Twitter later tonight. Right now Mike is making us a picnic lunch to take down to the lake. That will be nice to sit in the gazebo and watch the wild life. It’s still hard to get around with this broken toe, who knew how much we need a big toe?!
Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for being there for me.
Love & hugs to all,
Tracy Lynn

I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m OK. I will most likely be off Twitter for a couple of days. I’m not sick, well sicker, I’m having a problem with anger so it’s best to stay away. I tend to fly off the handle for absolutely no reason at present. It seems to be getting worse everyday. I spoke to my doctor about it this morning. He gave me some new meds to try. He seems to think it’s just everything catching up to me at once.
That probably is the cause. I don’t mind all the surgeries, meds, balding, ect. Since this last surgery I have had a problem with my speech. My brain knows the word I’m looking for but it takes forever to get the word to my mouth making it very difficult to carry on a conversation. This causes me great anxiety because I can see how much it bothers the person I’m speaking to. Poor Mike, he has to listen to it daily. The doctor says that will clear up. I can see improvement, just not at the speed I would like.
So, I’m going to spend the next couple of days off the computer and see if these meds take effect.
I will talk to you all soon. In the meantime, Be nice to truckers!
Tracy Lynn

I get that question a lot. “Aren’t you angry about having Cancer?” The answer is complicated, yes and no. I’m not angry about having cancer. I’m not angry about fighting cancer. I think there’s a reason for it but the ‘why’ is not for me to know, yet.
I get angry when I see perfectly healthy people taking their life for granted. I get angry when I hear of a suicide. I get angry when I watch a small child fight like a champ and lose to this terrible disease. I get angry when my doctors get cold feet. I’m writing this because I know for a fact that my doctor reads my blog. (gotcha).
Here’s the deal. I’m a fighter. Always have been, always will be. I get involved, something I’m sure the City Council of my small town wishes wasn’t always so true. If there’s a problem, there is a solution. Sometimes the solution is clear, sometimes you have to dig for it but, always, you have to fight for it. The kids in this city had no place to play. They needed a park. Council said there was no money for a park, next. Wrong! We were able to get the local lumber company to donate supplies, we rounded up all the residents that had building skills (or not) and the community built a playground. Problem solved. Looks easy on paper, in reality it was quite the fight. Bottom line, find the problem, find the solution, fight for it.
When I was first diagnosed in 2008, my immediate reaction was, fight! I fought, it spread, I fought harder, it spread further. I’ve been told many times that we’ve run out of options. The fact is that doctor ran out of courage. Before this last surgery I was at a low point, I was ready to stop fighting. Mike lifted me up and I began to fight once again. I have new doctors, I had more surgery, I have a plan. I am fighting.
Unfortunately, this morning at treatment, I was told we will have to stop because I’m losing weight again. I once again heard, “The treatment cannot be worse than the disease we’re trying to cure”. I’ve heard it before. That’s a doctor that has lost his courage. I’m not giving up so why is he? All I can say to that doctor is, “Watch me”.
So I am angry today. I am angry because now I have to find the solution. I am angry because my heart tells me this doctor cares and my head tells me this doctor is a coward because he’s thinking that he doesn’t want to take the chance of being sued down the line. I suppose that’s valid, Americans do sue if you look at them wrong.
I will search for a solution. Will I find it? Only God knows. I will look for a doctor that has stones as big as mine. That statement doesn’t mean that I think I’m bigger, badder, better than anyone else. It simply means that I will fight and I will not back down until God tells me to. The day will come when I will either be “cured” or it will be time to stop fighting. These doctors with their big smiles, big plans, and the courage of a mouse anger me. Don’t just yank hope away. I can take it, my husband cannot.
So, Am I angry that I have cancer. No. Today I am angry at the medical profession, doctors with no guts. Government that wont allow the scientists to cure cancer because it’s not “financially viable”. My anger will subside, my will, will not.

Question: Are you “living” your life right now? Does that sound like a strange question? Let me explain…
Several weeks ago I was in the hospital. I went to the day lounge to sit and talk with other patients as I normally do. That day I met a woman named Karen. That’s all I know of her, just Karen. Although I don’t really know her or much about her, she has remained on my mind since that first and only meeting.
Since most of you, thankfully, don’t spend much time in patient lounges I’ll try to explain what happens there. When you’re in the hospital it can be a scary and lonely feeling, even if you have family beside you. That being true, patients tend to gather in the lounge to talk. Sometimes we talk about our illness sometimes we talk about sports. Subject matter isn’t important. Being with someone that understands and experiences some of the same day to day things that you do is what makes it feel important. It’s a place where it’s OK to be scared, no need to put on a brave smile or pretend. Everyone in that room understands each emotion that you go through on a daily basis because they have felt the same way too. In that room we are all equal, nobody’s illness is worse or better than yours. You don’t pity nor are you pitied. Karen was the exception to that rule for me.
That day there were 6 of us in the lounge. The nurse entered the room pushing Karen in a wheelchair. She backed the wheelchair into an empty spot between us, gave us a knowing glance and left the room. Now in the lounge there are no rules, if you want to join the conversation you do. If you want to sit there quietly, that’s also fine. Just being together is what counts so nobody ever pushes anyone to speak. However, Karen had the saddest face I think I’ve ever seen. She looked broken from the inside. We all said hello to her but she didn’t respond, she turned her head away from us. Knowing that sometimes it’s best to let someone deal with their inner turmoil on their own, we continued our conversation and let Karen be.
After almost 2 hours Karen surprised us all by yelling “Damn it to hell” very loudly. I asked her if she wanted to talk and she spat out “NO!”. The rest of us continued talking. Finally, out of the blue Karen started talking. She said that exactly one week prior she was at home doing laundry when she fell down the stairs. She broke her back in several places and was paralyzed from the neck down. Once she started talking it spilled from her like water from a faucet. She said that she would not live that way and she would find a way to kill herself since her husband was refusing to help her do it. She was very angry because she was 37 years old and never even had a chance to live her life. She spent quite some time yelling about how unfair it was because her kids were finally reaching an age where they didn’t need her as much so it was her time to start living her life. She had been busy taking care of her husband, her kids and her elderly parents so she said that she had put her life on hold, to be lived later and now that would never happen.
There was just nothing Karen wanted to hear. She was determined that life was not worth living, she screamed at us for not understanding her plight. Then she became quiet again and withdrew back inside herself. Eventually the nurse came and took Karen back to her room and that was the only time I ever saw her. But I think about her on a daily basis.
Here’s the thing. Yes, it is beyond terrifying what she was going through and I do not know how I would react in her situation, I pray that I never have to find out. The saddest part however was her thoughts on her wasted life. See here’s the truth. When we are born we are not guaranteed any certain number of years. The day we are born is the day our bodies begin the dying process.
You cannot put your life on hold to “live it later”. Life doesn’t work that way. What ever your plight in life you must grab it with both hands and live it. And enjoy it. And appreciate it. You have kids to raise, raise them. You have a mountain of bills to pay, work hard and pay them. But, at the same time you must live your one life. Take those moments, even if you have to steal them, and live your life. You don’t need to wait until your kids are grown or until you have a nice bank account to live life.
Nobody says your house has to be spotless at all times. Once in awhile, walk away from that sink full of dishes, go outside and feel the sun, smell the flowers, watch a bird in flight. I guarantee you that those dishes will wait for you, they’re not going anywhere. You have a mountain of bills and can’t afford a vacation? Give yourself a mental vacation. Choose 2 days this week for yourself. Don’t worry about anything on those 2 days. Like the dishes, the problems will await your return.
Mike and I have always lived our lives. We both worked a lot but we have always taken time to live. If God takes me tomorrow, I can say, “I lived my life”. In fact I have a “box” in my mind that is quite useful. On my, mental vacation days, I picture that box in my mind. I take all my worries and visualize putting them into the box, some of them struggle to get back out but I keep at it until all my worries are inside the box. Then I visualize nailing the lid on the box and VIOLA , no worries until I let them out. It may sound silly but try it, it works. Of course the mental vacation doesn’t last long, like any other vacation you have to step back into reality, but you do so with a rejuvenated heart and soul.
Karen didn’t want to hear it, and I pray for her every night but if you’re reading this please, Live your one life. Do it now. Enjoy all there is to enjoy about being alive. Nobody lives forever.
God Bless.
Tracy Lynn

I’m adding this post in hopes of helping to get the word out about Jason’s Law. I think many people have heard about it but they don’t really understand it. Jason Rivenburg was killed while waiting to deliver his load. This is happening more than people realize. Jason’s young widow, Hope Rivenburg is working tirelessly to get legislation passed for safe parking for truckers so that truckers can sleep in their truck without being beaten, robbed or killed.
Hope Rivenburg has done all of the hard work for you, even while grieving and being a single parent. If you follow this link HERE you can click on “Congressional Directory” then there’s a place for you to enter your zip code. This will bring up a list of your Senators and Representatives. She also has, on the same page, a sample letter. Download it in either PDF or DOC, fill it out and send it to your Reps & Sen.
We MUST get laws passed to allow our truckers safe parking. Truckers sacrifice so much, this is something we can all do to help them. Below is info from Jason’s Law website. See, you can stay right here and learn everything you need to know about it. Then, PLEASE, do your part and send letters. There are too many parent-less children already because truckers have no safe place to park.
Get your local community involved. Do you attend local City Council Meetings? You should. Take along copies of the sample letter. Ask everyone you know to write in. Just think, if everyone that follows me writes in and asks their friends to do the same it could turn into a “and so on, and so on”! We can do this!!

REMEMBER; Without Truckers We Would Have Nothing! Thank you! Tracy Lynn

WHAT IS JASONS LAW

It is a potential law to address the ongoing and escalating problems with truck driver safety and security. In the last month we have been doing a great deal of research into the problems of trucker safety. The following is a list of current problems, suggested solutions, and side benefits if these solutions were to be adopted.
1) On time supply is a common business practice used by most large corporations today. It lowers operating expenses because inventories are reduced. This business model can only be successful if goods can be shipped and delivered exactly when they are needed; therefore, most pick-ups and deliveries are made by appointment. However, virtually all shippers and receivers will only allow common carriers into their facilities long enough to load or unload. Truck drivers, on the other hand, must allow for circumstances such as traffic, equipment failure, weigh stations, and delays being loaded or unloaded that may delay them. Often they reach their destination early. Because they are not allowed into the facility until the appointed hour, they must find somewhere to “stage.” (This is exactly what Jason was doing when he was shot.) We have also heard many stories about drivers being “put out” of facilities (often by the police) when they have exceeded their hours of service and can no longer legally drive.
If shippers and receivers were required to let drivers stage inside their facilities up to twelve hours before and/or after their appointment in order for them to drive legally, this would not only give drivers a safe harbor, but it could take a percentage of the trucks out of the rush hour traffic and off secondary streets. Many companies do this for their own drivers.
2) For businesses that lack the required space or facilities for these drivers, the “bull pen” concept can be applied. An area off the highway but close to an industrial or warehouse area that is secure and has basic amenities where trucks can stage to wait to deliver or pick up a load. This could be paid for either by an association of the area businesses or a dedicated tax based on the number of docking doors a business has.
3) Rest areas seem to be where most of the focus currently rests. We have included California’s Safety Roadside Rest Area System Master Plan. It is, as far as we can tell, the most comprehensive plan in the country.
The simple truth is rest areas safe lives. The National Cooperative Highway Research Program (NCHRP) estimates that:
• The absence of rest areas increases shoulder related accidents due to parked vehicles on the side of the road by 52%
• Reducing driver fatigue accounted for a 3.7% reduction in accident rates.
• Motorist’s use of rest areas reduced accidents by 3.7% representing a benefit to society of 148 million dollars.
In an article titled, A Safe Place to Rest,” by Maria Koklanaris (enclosed) it is reported that 80% of the drivers surveyed reported that they were always or often unable to find a parking space in a public rest area at night. When rest areas are full, people (not just truck drivers) either drive drowsy or park where they’re in danger. Either way, everyone suffers.
The commonly accepted distance between rest areas (for the maximum affect) is thirty minutes of driving time.
There is and has been Title 23 money for up to 100% of the cost of rest stops! However, truck stop owners and other businesses that cater to the traveling public mistakenly see rest areas as competition. Also the non-traveling public doesn’t view rest areas as a high priority.
There is a building consensus that the federal government should allow states to take on commercial partners to develop rest areas. This makes a lot of sense in this economy.
4) Another misconception is that on highway (public) and off highway (private truck stop) parking is interchangeable. This is only slightly true. Most drivers we talk to will go to a truck stop to get fuel, a hot meal and a shower and then they look for a “quiet” place to rest, usually a rest area. If not a rest area, they find a place anywhere close to the highway so they can maximize the next day’s eleven hour driving time regulation. Also, virtually every truck stop has become a hot bed of activity for prostitutes, drug dealers and common thieves selling stolen goods.
Hours of service rules were developed with the expectation that a driver will be rested and ready to drive for the next eleven hours. That’s not likely in most truck stops.
A revolving loan fund can be set up for truck stop owners to upgrade security, install cameras and lighting, increase parking spaces, etc.
5) Businesses can also partner with their state’s department of transportation to provide auxiliary lots. These would be located less than one-half mile from the highway, be secure, and maintained by the businesses. These would take some pressure off the rest areas.
6) Another approach that is relatively cheap and could be implemented quickly would be to develop signage to direct truckers to off highway parking. Here distance is key. At $2.00 plus per mile in operating expenses, drivers won’t go far off route to park.
In summary, everything we do to help truck drivers do their jobs helps us all. Providing truckers with safe places to rest on or near the highways keeps everyone safer. Giving them a place at or near their destination to wait makes our mad dash to work safer. Our economy and our lifestyles depend on moving products from their source to market and you can’t do that without a truck. More than that, they pay more taxes than any other profession.

The purpose of Jason’s Law is to provide secure areas for truck drivers to rest or wait until they can unload their trucks.
On Thursday March 5, 2009, Jason Rivenburg pulled his truck into a gas station that has been used frequently and considered to be some what safe. Jason was only twelve miles from his destination but could not make delivery because it was too early. His delivery never took place. Jason was shot and killed as he rested in his truck. Jason leaves behind a son that will be two in April and a wife that will deliver twins shortly.

Jason’s family and friends are asking for your help to bring attention to the dangers our nation’s truck drivers face to our legislators. Perhaps if truck stops were required to provide adequate lighting, cameras and if delivery sites provided secure waiting areas crimes of this nature could be prevented.

Please join our effort to make “Jason’s Law” a reality by signing our petition and filling out our legislative survey.

A message from Hope

I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you very much to everyone. The amount of support that everyone has shown to our family is really amazing. All the thoughts, prayers, cards and donations are greatly appreciated. I am sorry that I can not personally thank everyone due to the large number of people who have shown their support. Jason touched so many people while he was here with us, and always will. Jason is missed very much; he was a loving, wonderful person.
I would also like to thank everyone for their support on helping us get “Jason’s Law” passed. Jason always said not to say “I can’t, you do not know unless you try.” We are trying; it is too late for Jason but hopefully we can save another family from going through this horrible, senseless act. Please keep passing the word on about “Jason’s Law” and doing whatever you can to help get this legislation passed to protect all of the truckers out there.
Josh, Logan, and Hezekiah are doing well. The twins are getting big fast, and Josh is a wonderful big brother.
Thank you all,
Hope, Josh, Logan, and Hezekiah

I just received this in email and had to share, how true this is! Sad..But true.

Scenario 1:

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.

1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2008 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins.. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2008 – Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:

Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.

1957 – Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2008 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt..

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2008 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.

2008 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:

Pedro fails high school English.

1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2008 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given
his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1957 – Ants die.

2008 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents — and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated.
Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2008 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison… Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

This should hit every email inbox to show how stupid we have become!!

Where to begin? If you follow me on Twitter or read my blog you already know that I had a brain tumor removed last week. If you don’t know, read my other posts to catch up, life is short .

Gratitude. I am so very grateful to all of the support I received while I was in the hospital. Thank you so very much! I am still going through reading the tweets, comments & prayers. I am truly astonished at the sheer number of people that knew about my surgery. I am blessed with friends, known and unknown! I still have a road to travel but it’s a road I look forward to. At the moment I’m having a bit of “short term” memory lapses but I do daily mind exercises that will fix that in time. For the moment I tend to repeat things over and over which, I’m sure, is more of a burden on Mike than it is on me Next week I will begin radiation for 6 weeks then my old friend chemo. I am grateful for this and many things in life but as you can see from the title of this post, Gratitude is only one emotion I’m feeling.

Sorrow. Little Layla Grace lost her battle and joined the Angels this week. http://laylagrace.org/ Layla was 2 yrs old and she fought a long, hard battle. My heart and my prayers go out to her parents. Of course my first reaction was, why? Why did I make it through what I have and she didn’t. Last night in bed it came to me. Why is not my question to ask. God has His reasons and we are told not to question Him, so I wont. But I will continue to pray for Layla’s family that they may find peace knowing that she is singing with the Angels now and her little body is no longer in pain.

Anger. This is a tough one. I debated on leaving this part out but since I’m open and honest about everything else, I decided to include it. I had what I thought of as a “good friend” on Twitter. She, in fact was someone I spoke with everyday and I had come to feel quite “motherly” toward her. I’m not going to name her as I think that ship has sailed, we shall call her “Fake”.
There was three of us, Myself, Fake and another wonderful woman, we shall call “Cat”. In fact, the 3 of us were making plans to do stuff together down the road. Recently, Fake announced that she was pregnant. Well, that was certainly something to talk about and look forward to! The 3 of us spent time discussing the baby, the pregnancy, the future. “Cat” is such a loving, giving woman, she is always at the ready for her family and her friends. She has a truly giving heart and I love her for it.
I’m not exactly sure of the time line of how and when these things happened and I don’t care to get the time line, the facts are enough. There were signs along the way that I missed but isn’t that always the way it goes. At some point Fake said she had to have surgery because she had started bleeding. She said they were going to remove a cyst from her ovary but the baby was only at a 2% risk. To the best of my knowledge things had gone fine although she was still in the hospital. I too, was in the hospital. Oh heck, details are not important. The truth is, she claimed to have had a miscarriage, she was leaning heavily on our friend Cat for support. I, without knowing that part of the story yet, called her house because I was planning to mail a surprise when I got home. Cut to the chase.. Fake was not in the hospital, was never pregnant, did not have surgery, lies..all lies.
I was heartbroken on so many levels. Since 2008 I have spent a lot of time in and around hospitals. I see people on a daily basis that have true medical problems. Surgery is not a joke. Mike and I tried, unsuccessfully for many years to have a baby. Miscarriage is not a joke. The fact that she lied to begin with just tears me up but knowing that she was doing all of this while I was having a tumor removed from my brain.. what?! And the fact that she was crying on Cats shoulder, looking for, and receiving sympathy for a lie from such a wonderful, caring woman, unforgivable. At first I thought I would just block her and ignore the situation. However, when I learned that she was leaning on Cat and taking advantage of her kind heart I couldn’t let it drop. I actually did nothing about it until I came home. I ignored her tweets entirely.
My main concern at this point was Cat. I knew she would take it hard when she learned the truth. To make a very long story short (ha), I DM’d Fake and told her that Cat would be home from work at 7:30 PM so she had until 8 pm to tell Cat the truth and apologize or I would expose her lies to all of twitter. Needless to say that didn’t happen. Fake deleted her Twitter account and left our lives. Good riddance.
Forgiveness. I have forgiven Fake. It’s not easy and the lies still sting but, I forgive her. God says I must forgive. Also, I have decided that something must be terribly wrong in her life that she felt the need to make up such a horrible story. She is young. I pray that she finds what she is looking for. Although I forgive, I wont forget. I think it was a very good lesson that perhaps I needed to learn. I have met so many truly wonderful people on the internet. People that I would never have met otherwise. I value their friendship and I will continue to meet new people. Perhaps I wont become so emotionally invested but I will not shy away.
For some reason, God allowed me this day and I will not waste it with hate and anger. Everyday is a gift and an opportunity to grow and to learn. I’m growing, I’m learning, I’m praying.

OK where to start? Well, I’ve been getting tests done for 10 hours now. We just sat down with a team of doctors for their opinion. They all say the tumor has to come out and they say it has to be done now. The reason for their urgency I’m not saying right now, don’t want to give the Devil any ideas. So, I’m going in tomorrow morning to let them crack open my head. Am I happy about it? No! However, with today’s findings I feel I have no choice. I explained to all of them that my biggest fear is brain death and making Mike make the decision to pull the plug. They had a work around for that also. I signed papers with my wishes so they have to follow those orders, taking the pressure off of Mike. Mike is of course none to happy about those papers but I didn’t give him a choice, it’s the only way I would agree to the surgery.

I’m going in with full knowledge of the risks. These doctors pull no punches, they speak plain English and they are honest and upfront. As for how it will turn out, all I know is I’m not in control of that, God is. He will make the decisions. It is what it is and it will be what it will be. My main brain surgeon is a Christian and I like that very much. I have faith that God will guide his hands.

To all my Tweeps, thanks for helping me through this, you all brighten my days. My new trucker buddy, @leavingout or better known as Joey, wrote me a tweet last night. I printed it and it is on my hospital wall… ” I served in the military for 6 years and your bravery is humbling to me, stronger than any man I’ve ever met!”  The doctor saw that so he’s been calling me Sarge. Thanks Joey. I’ll do my best to make you proud And to all my buddies, thanks for the kind words, prayers, hugs and love. Well appreciated!

Now just because I said that, don’t think I’m going anywhere! This isn’t my 1st trip to the Rodeo. I’ve been fighting for a long time and I intend on fighting this one with the very same determination that got me here. I believe that this is just another hurdle to jump and I still have it in me to jump! Dance, no~Jump, Yes! So I will be back on twitter giving my opinions and causing  havoc  before you know it. Until then, tankeryanker, Joe~ I expect you to hold down the fort in that area until my return.

I wanted to write this on my blog because it’s too much to write on twitter. It’s 6:30 now, I have 1 hour to spend alone with Mike. They are putting me to sleep at 7:30 (no, I do not mean like a dog). They want my body well rested for tomorrow, it’s going to be a very long surgery. Mike needs my full attention now so that’s what he’s going to get. David (my brother) is coming to be with Mike tomorrow.

I can’t name everybody but Tam, Chris, Jody, Debra, Tomo, Annie, oh I give up, too many people!  think good positive  thoughts because that’s what I’ll be doing. The Devil, I’m sure, is hoping that I’ll go into surgery with a defeatist attitude tomorrow, well he thinks wrong! I’m going in with a positive attitude, a strong will and a grateful heart. I will be ok. You know what I’ve said all along.. God don’t want me and the devils afraid I’ll take over!

OK, I’m off to spend time with Mike before they bring in their magic sleep meds. Thanks to all of you! I’ll tweet you soon!

Love to all, Tracy Lynn

P.S~ Mike will give updates as he’s able but don’t know how often, he’s already a wreck. David knows how to use my phone (it’s android without a keyboard, confuses Mike) so I’ve asked Dave to try to keep you up to date.

Ta Ta