Since the day I started my blog I’ve often wondered if I’m doing the right thing. Should this be public, or should I keep it private. I mean, after all, this is my very own “dumping place” for my mind. There have been days when I’ll come back and read something I wrote and I think, “Oh that’s terrible, that’s too raw, I need to delete this post”. And then I read the comments that have been left and I decide to leave it as is.

I’m still not sure what the right answer is but I’m going to continue to “dump” here. Good, bad or indifferent this is me, these are my inner most thoughts and feelings. I do occasionally go back and read something I wrote at a particular point in this journey just to remind myself how far I have come.

It has been my policy to leave every post as is. If there’s something I feel the need to correct I strike it out, like this, rather than delete it. That just feels more honest to me. There is however, an exception to this rule, isn’t there always?

On Aug. 22 I wrote a post named, My Stages Of Cancer. I went back and deleted the entire first part of that post. And I don’t feel bad about doing it either. I had fallen into the trap of someone on Twitter that I thought desperately needed help. I can’t tell you how many nights I spent DMing this person, emailing, praying. It consumed me. Even during one of my doozie headaches when I normally have to let everything go, this person was on my mind and my heart. When I finally dragged my behind out of the bed and got back on Twitter I found a lot of nasty DM’s waiting for me. No need to repeat them but the message was clear….”Why are you being so selfish with your time when I need you here”.
I’m not going to call this person out. If that’s why you’re reading this post you can stop now. This person is gone, out of my life. The End.

Back to the aforementioned post. The reason for writing it in the first place was to help someone that was very angry realize that anger is all a part of the process. I deleted only the part about the other person, I left the rest. What I wrote in that post still holds true. It is still my raw truth.

I have, however, decided that maybe I’m a little too open about my surgeries, procedures, ect. Unfortunately I’m left feeling a bit like I imagine someone would feel if they posted the recipe for a bomb and someone used that information to hurt people. I will, I believe, be less open on that subject. Will I change my mind? Who knows. I can almost hear those who know me well answering that question LOL. This is how I feel today, tomorrow will come soon enough.

Although I had decided to stop seeing all doctors, and it’s been great by the way, I am having something done very soon, by a doctor. I don’t know the outcome but I am hoping that the headaches will ease up. Whatever happens will be what’s supposed to happen. I know this much for sure. I am not in charge. The doctor is not in charge. God is, and always will be, in charge.
I’m still listening to dad’s words, which I’m pretty sure I’ve written before….”Baby girl, Trust in God, but keep on hoeing”. That’s what I’m doing. No major surgeries planned, I’m just ‘hoeing’.

Some days I come here just to read the posts I’ve written about dad. I draw on his strength, wisdom and love. What would I have been without the three greatest men in my life? Dad, David and Mike. My rocks.
Actually, I need to publicly thank David. He is the one that put an end to the terrible situation I found myself in this week. Thank You kiddo, you’re wonderful, even if you can’t fly LOL.

I will keep posting updates here and I’m pretty sure I have a few rants left in me too.

I have learned that I need to keep my circle small.

I have learned that I can’t save everyone.

I have learned to be more cautious with my heart.

Psalm 101:7
He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.

Love & Hugs To All ♥

have to share, these words were sent to me by a dear friend..By the way, she is a terrific author check out her book, “The Fox” @aradasky ( Arlene Radasksy )

~This path of yours is filled with boulders too large to climb.You forge a path around and others follow,
the path you leave will be heavily trodden by those who follow your song, wordless when words are gone.~

I love this, I printed it & read it everyday. Thanks Arlene, you are the best!

You really should read her book. Jahna, one of the characters in the book is a personal friend on mine LOL
THE FOX by ARLENE RADASKY

As I was trying to go to sleep last night I was thinking about the different stages that you go through once you hear those three dreaded words…”You have cancer”. There’s a whole process but here’s the rub, everybody’s process is different. I remember after my diagnosis a friend bought me a book that “explained ” the process, that book made me miserable because it was telling me what I should be feeling and since that’s not what I was feeling it made me feel like, “Great..I can’t even do cancer right”.
I wish I knew the title of that book but as I recall I think I threw it in the garbage at the hospital.
I’m going to try and remember my stages, if for no other reason than to make my brain earn it’s keep.

Stage 1
Denial
When I was told I had breast cancer my first thought was, no I don’t. Even knowing that three of my sisters had died from breast cancer, knowing that mom carried the gene which meant that 50% of her daughters would get breast cancer, I still thought, not me…you are mistaken. I couldn’t possibly have cancer. I tried to live a healthy life style, well, as healthy as you can when you’re behind a steering wheel 10-14 hrs a day.
I was faithful about getting a mammogram every six months as we were all told to do. No, it couldn’t be true. They were wrong. Do another test and you will see what a horrible mistake you’ve made.

Stage 2
Anger
Oh was I angry! I was angry at everybody and everything. I was angry at the doctor that diagnosed me, angry at the nurses that drew my blood. Angry at Mike for being healthy, this turned into being angry at every healthy person. Angry at my body for turning against me. Angry at happy people, how dare they tell me to have a nice day! Angry at my mother for having the gene. Angry at God for allowing this to happen.
This was the worst time for me. The anger was so raw, and so unlike anything I had ever felt.
There was no relief from this anger. I went to bed with it, I woke up with it. I knew I was being mean to those I loved, I knew it was wrong and I needed to stop but I couldn’t find a place to put this anger so I carried it with me 24/7.
I don’t really recall the time line, it seems like the anger lasted forever but looking back I would guess it was about two weeks. I remember very clearly the day the anger stopped.
I was horrible to Mike. I’m not proud of it but this is my truth. He had no idea what to say or do but bless his heart, he stayed right beside me and let me scream and yell foul things at him. He said over and over, “Scream at me, be mad at me, do whatever you have to do to get through this but I will always be here for you, I’m not going anywhere.”
One day Mike did something minor and I blew up at him again. He said, “Baby, I know how bad you are hurting and I’m so sorry that I can’t make it stop.” I yelled back, “How the hell do you know what I’m feeling?? YOU don’t have cancer, YOU have NO idea!”. This was the moment my anger left… He said, “No I don’t have cancer in my body but we have cancer in yours and what hurts you hurts me double”. I started to cry and for the first time since my diagnosis I allowed Mike to hug me, really hug me. With those tears and that hug I felt the anger leave my body. What a relief that was! The release I needed was there the entire time, standing right next to me, I just couldn’t see it, him.
I’ve come to realize that this intense anger is a necessary evil. I think it is preparing you to cope with what’s ahead. I don’t know how to explain that comment really. I guess maybe the closest I can come is to compare it to a battle cry, preparing all systems to fight, all hands at the ready..this is going to be a tough fight.
That day the anger left but in it’s place, came fear.

Stage 3
Fear
When the fear set in it was almost paralyzing. I had decisions to make but all I could think of was “I’m going to die”, that thought ran through my mind on a loop, over & over. I had already watched what breast cancer did to my sisters and I knew the outcome. During this period I didn’t even want to get out of bed. On top of all of that worry I had an even bigger fear. During my “anger” stage I had blamed God. I had cursed Him. I accused Him of turning His back on me when I needed Him most. This was not good. I knew that above all else this was the thing I needed to fix first. And I did. That’s the greatest thing, all God wants is our love. All He requires of us is to ask for forgiveness. When I felt that God had turned His back on me the truth was, I had turned my back on Him. He was still there for me, just as Mike was. Once I mended fences with God and Mike, the fear left. In it’s place came, determination.

Stage 4
Determination

Now I became determined to not just fight this battle, I was going to win it! Nothing could stop me. I listened to the doctors and I did everything they suggested. All I had to do to win this fight was to be a good patient, and I was. Looking back on this stage is tough for me. My whole life I’ve had what my dad called a “rough edge”, I stand up and speak my mind. I’m usually the one that thinks there’s more than one way to skin a cat and I am always looking for solutions. For whatever reason, my rough edge left me during this period. I was so naive. Well, he’s a doctor and he says this is what needs to be done, “alrighty then, let’s get to it.” I blindly agreed to surgery, no research…treatments…no research. When I was in the hospital I was so meek & mild with the nurses, I know you can’t believe that, I was there and I can’t believe it. Back then it bothered me that a nurse would walk in my room and begin touching me without washing her hands but I never said a word about it. I told myself that they probably have a sink at the desk and wash their hands before they come into my room. See what I mean about being naive??
I stayed focused, I felt like a prize fighter. I was determined to do whatever I was told to do so that I would win my fight. And I did. For a short while.

When the cancer returned it came back bigger, badder, meaner than I ever thought possible. Somewhere between that point and now I went through many different stages. Rage, loneliness, sadness, self-pity, mourning, depression. Finally I came back to being me. The researcher, the problem solver. The woman with the hard edge. That’s who I am, it fits and it feels right. I stood up for myself. I asked questions, I demanded answers. I no longer went in with blinders on. I chose doctors that were willing to be a “team player”. If they ordered a test I wanted to know why the test was important, what would we gain from it. No longer would I allow a nurse to touch me unless she washed her hands in front of me. I learned everything I could about a cancer cell. I followed the work of researchers. I fought.
And now here I am years later, 15 surgeries later. Another tumor growing in my head. I’ve stopped all treatment and I’m OK with that. I don’t know what will happen but I know this, I fought my best fight. I gave it all I had. I am me again and I like that.

To be continued………………………….

A friend sent this to me yesterday…Of course I had to share….

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble… At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.. ‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up. ‘The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’

‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How about my friend here?’ the traveler gestured to the dog.

‘There should be a bowl by the pump.’

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree..

‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.

‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.

‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveler said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’

‘Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’

‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’

‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’

A lot of people have been asking about our planned trip to Hawaii, it’s easier to answer that question here.

Yes, we did want to go for one last grand vacation. It looks like that’s just not going to be possible.

The headaches are coming more often and it seems each one is more intense and lasts longer than the one before. I also have developed an annoying eye tic and now the vision in that eye is getting fuzzy. I don’t know for sure, since I gave up on all doctors, but it’s my guess that the brain tumor is growing faster that I expected. It is what it is.

David and Mike are working on putting together a Hawaii vacation for me at home. Mike bought a DVD of Hawaii and they are trying to put together a Luau on the lake. It turns out that you have to get a permit to roast a pig at the lake, who knew?!?
So that’s pretty much where things stand at the moment. Not knowing what’s ahead I’m hesitant to go on any trip. Mike is great but if something happened while we were gone he would be alone to deal with it and I do not want that. I’m thankful that through the years we have always taken fantastic trips together, I’m OK with a “home vacation”.

I’ll keep updating this site as long as I’m able. I unplug quite often now because when the doozies hit it’s too hard to read the screen.

Don’t count me out quite yet…I’m still here…I’m still happy
♥TL

A friend sent this to me today and it’s so beautiful I had to share it!

~DEATH~

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to Leave the examination room and said,
‘Doctor, I am afraid to die.
Tell me what lies on the other side.’
Very quietly, the doctor said, ‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know? You’re, a Christian man,
And don’t know what’s on the other side?’
The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
And as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room
And leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
‘Did you notice my dog?
He’s never been in this room before.
He didn’t know what was inside.
He knew nothing except that his master was here,
And when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
I know little of what is on the other side of death,
But I do know one thing…
I know my Master is there and that is enough.’

I am, for the most part, offline for a couple of days. However, I feel a great need to write this post. It will stray from my usual posts but I need to get it off my chest. I have “laid on it and prayed on it”, as my dad would say and decided to write on it.

I have been seeing, “Psalm 109:8″ everywhere referring to Obama. It’s on the internet, Twitter, t-shirts, bumper stickers. Now, before I begin, let me say this.
If you have ever read my tweets or this blog you know that I am not, in any way, ever, defending Obama.

I realize that there are well meaning people spreading this Bible verse but I don’t think they really understand it. My dad was a minister and he taught me that before I go spouting Bible verses I need to understand it’s FULL meaning first. Admittedly, it’s not easy to understand many verses just by reading them. That’s what Bible study is for. Anyway, this post is not to preach, my intent is simply to try to explain MY thoughts of this verse.

It is my opinion that by spouting this verse what you are actually doing is asking God to bring down His wrath upon US, not the enemy. Psalm 109 is probably one of the most discussed and misunderstood. I am not even going to try to explain what I think it means since that would take a very, very long time. I invite you to look into it and see how you interpret it.

A few facts. This is about King David. David was anointed King by The Prophet Samuel at the command of God. You really have to read more than one book to understand the true heart of David. David was betrayed by Saul, who was also King. David was in grave danger from Saul but even though he knew this , David would not allow anyone to harm Saul.
David was put through much agony and was understandably angry at this time. His anger appears in this scripture. David was a good man. An honest man, a charitable man. Prayer was always David’s best strength against his enemies and we see that here also. Yes, David was angry but these words show us what he did with his anger. He took it to God!
David had many opportunities to harm or kill Saul. He didn’t even try to seek revenge, Instead he took it to God. All of his rage, anger, hurt..He told God! In the rawest form of pain and anger he is heard in these scriptures telling God about all of the pain, showing God the open wound in his heart giving it to the only One that could repair his broken heart and heal his pain. However, if you continue reading and learning, you will see that after this grand, but brief, outcry of anger, David goes on to Praise God for protecting his people. When you take verse 8 out and wield it you can make it ‘seem’ to make your point. I’m just asking that you understand it prior to wielding it, or any other Bible verse for that matter.
You truly cannot, should not, pull out one verse of ANY scripture and make it mean the point you are trying to make.

My mind, my thoughts are jumbled these days so I’m still not sure if I’ve made the point that I was attempting. I just know that using the Bible as a sword is not the way to go. If you know the scripture, understand it, live by it, that’s when it is used properly. Using it to “win” a point….not so much.

The key issue here is the betrayal of David by his friend, Saul. The pain of betrayal by a friend is almost unbearable. I’m going through it myself at this very moment. I, like David, have given it to God. Perhaps that’s the reason that seeing these bumper stickers has my head spinning so wildly. It’s all happening at the same time. The misuse of a scripture about betrayal at the same time I was betrayed. hhmm, something else for me to “lay on & pray on”. I know that I certainly feel the same feelings of anger that David is showing us, even though the betrayal I’m experiencing is on a much, much smaller scale…the pain is the same.

After reading my jumbled words I realize that I focused too much on Davids anger and not on the point I was going for. I’m not changing it. You can make your own decisions, this feels right to me.

I will include a link so you can read & decide for yourself….Psalm 109 This is from King James, as that’s the Bible I read.

So the daughter in me tells me that this letter to my mother should be private. However, the woman, the wife in me tells me that it must be public.

Mom,
You gave birth to me. Thank you.
Now, onto the seriousness of the letter. You have said many, many cruel things to me in my life time. I have always tried my best to turn the other cheek. Not always with great success, I admit that. We have been water and oil my entire life. I was willing to just let it be. After what you did today, I am no longer willing to “let it be”.
When you enter MY house and tell me that I am, and always have been a worthless piece of shit, that’s bad. That is not why I am cutting all ties with you however. I’m somewhat accustomed to your evil ways. The reason I have decided to say good bye is because I will never, ever, allow you to speak to my husband the way you did today.
I know you. I know your motives. You stormed in here acting like a banshee today, not for the purpose you stated. You claim it is because I refuse to have a funeral. You threatened Mike and said that you will take him to court to fight for my corpse so you can give me a “proper christian burial”. That my dear mother is BS and you know it! Oh, we all know how much you do enjoy a good funeral. There’s no disputing that. You love to scream and cry and “faint” at funerals…yes we all know.
The true reason for your outburst today was that you thought you could sway my decision and tell Mike that he needs to continue to support you financially after I’m dead. Guess what mother, it backfired on you. Not only will Mike not be supporting you, as of today, 8/05/2010, I will no longer be paying your bills. Not one red penny. I guess it’s time for you to freeload off of one of your other spawn because this spawn bank is closed.
The things you said to Mike are so horrible that it is now 11:30 PM and I am still shaking. Let me tell you about Mike. The Mike that after 40 years you have never bothered to get to know.

Mike loves me. Unconditionally. We can have an argument without fear of one of us walking away. Mike has always been my rock. He has been the person by my side during good times AND bad times. After all that you have put him through over the decades he has never once said a bad word to me about you. When I’m happy, he is happy for me. When I cry, he holds me. When I can’t go on another day, he is the one that holds me up.
Mike has never withheld love from me because I didn’t do something his way. Mike has never told me I’m stupid. As a matter of fact Mike is the reason that I went back and got a college degree, he believed in me. Mike has raised your son as his own for over 30 years.

The words that came out of your mouth today sicken me to my very soul. Dad would be so ashamed of you, not that you care. I do care. I have put up with your abuse because I promised dad that I would take care of you. This is the first time in my life that I am breaking a promise to dad. But, you know what? Dad loved me unconditionally too. He would not allow you to treat me like this if he was alive and I’m positive that he will forgive me for breaking that promise to him.

So here it is in a public forum. I am done. Do not call me, do not write to me. Do not bother me in any way. When and how I die is of no concern to you. I will do my level best to make it a very long time after I’m dead before you even know. However, because I know how devious you are I have back up plans. I am posting this to my public forum but that’s not good enough for me.
Tomorrow I will be signing papers in front of a notary that says I do not want you involved in my life OR my death. There will also be papers left with my attorney explaining everything that you have done…..EVERYTHING. Think about it. After I’m gone if you try to pull some funny business my attorney will be instructed to make it all public. You know of what I speak. The choice is yours. Your secrets can go to the grave with you BUT they will not if you interfere with Mike after my death!

I wish things could have turned out differently. My whole life all I’ve ever wanted from you was your love. I learned a long time ago that wasn’t ever going to happen. I’m pretty sure that I would have just kept on keeping on until the end but when you spoke to Mike the way you did today it woke me up from a deep sleep. That was your big mistake. You know that you get away with verbally attacking me, your mistake was verbally attacking the man I love.

Oh and one more thing. We have all agreed on this so here’s a heads up. You know how worried you are about getting my jewelry after my death? Well stop worrying. I am making a will and this is what will be in it. ALL of my jewelry is being left to Kylee. I have spoken to Tom and he is going to take every piece I have and make Kylee the best, blingiest, diamond, ruby, opal, sapphire dog collar that you’ve ever seen. She will be stylin!

There, you have it. Now you don’t have to lay awake at night trying to figure out how to get my diamond cross from Mike. Your welcome.

Good bye mother. I wish you well. I hope and pray that someday you can find your way back to God. I can’t do that for you. I can’t do anything for you except pray. I will continue to do that, but that is all.

Goodbye Mom,
#9 TracyLynn

************************************************************

UPDATE MOTHER 08/06/2010

As of this moment, Mr. Hatchet is in possession of the above mentioned papers. Good luck & God Bless
#9TL

I was planning on sending emails to some prior to posting this however, Mike made me see that feelings would be hurt by some so everyone will read it here.

As I have previously stated, I have a new brain tumor. That’s all I know, don’t know where, how big…nada. I don’t need that information. It matters not. I, we, have made the decision. There will be no more doctors in my life, ever again. I’m 100% finished fighting and 100% happy with this decision. Whatever happens, whenever it happens, is OK. I will no longer go through painful, EXPENSIVE surgeries. The only thing that has accomplished is to make several doctors richer.
Mike is 100% on board with my decision for the 1st time since my diagnosis. Of course he is sad about it but he knows that I fought my best fight and it’s over. This is not going to be a sad time for us. Quite the opposite. We have been through everything side by side for several decades and we will see this through, together. I have been blessed having Mike in my life and we are going to celebrate that life.
We want to take a long trip, just the two of us. The only thing so far that we disagree about is where to go. I really want to go to Hawaii. Mike is afraid that a brain tumor and an airplane wont mix well. We’re still working out the details of the trip.
What we have agreed on is, we will be together until the end. There will be no funeral. No sad songs. No crying. No damn flowers. I will be cremated and sit on top of the head board. ( a woman needs to keep an eye on her husband LOL)
When I’m gone, Tim will take Mike to a bar, get him drunk & hopefully buy him a hooker. (OK, that last part, I added).
David is not dealing with the news as well as I had hoped but he will come to see that this is the right decision.

So there it is. Do not be afraid to mention it, or ask me questions. I will still be me (like it or not). I will continue to crack jokes and I will cry when necessary but nothing you say to me will upset me. That is an important point that I MUST get across to everyone. I am still me. I am not a heap of tears, in fact, since we discussed all of the details this evening I feel like that huge elephant I’ve been carrying around has been lifted off my shoulders.

I already know that some people will not agree with this decision. I have some people that are adamant that I must continue to fight. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but this is what I have chosen and it stands.

I love you all and I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am to have had all of you in my life. I will still be on twitter so you’re not rid of me quite yet.

To my mother. I’m sorry that you will find this out by reading my blog. It is what it is. If you want to talk to me like a mother, you are welcome to. If you want to belittle my decision, do not bother. I love you, you gave me life. I get to choose how it ends.

TO be continued……………………………………….

The title of this post is because I plan on speaking my mind. Well, I usually speak my mind but this will not be something a cancer patient needs to read.

Here I go…

OK so as we know, yesterday I found out that this IS another tumor in my head. Whatever. That’s not what this post is about. Today I went on the boat with Mike & Kylee, just to enjoy the day with them. At first I was going to leave my phone at home but changed my mind and took it.
It was a gorgeous day to be on the lake. Occasionally I would tweet, or text. I took several pictures, just had fun. Then I received a tweet from someone that I don’t know, that I don’t follow and I allowed my temper to flow. It was most likely a bot but that doesn’t matter, it got me thinking. See this tweet asked me to text $10. to them to “help cure cancer”. Uh ya right, I’ll get right on that. NOT. My answer was something along the lines of, “No why don’t you text money to me since I’ve racked up about $422,000 in hospital bills which I will be leaving for Mike when I die”.

Now we’re at the reason for this post. There’s crooks everywhere. If somebody is hurting for whatever reason, there is a crook nearby waiting to take their money. This isn’t a secret, we all know this to be true. However, the fact is, Our Government does not want a cure for cancer, therefore, there will never be one. Why don’t they? Who knows. I really don’t care. I do know that I’ve done A LOT of research since I was first diagnosed and I know that there are doctors that have found ways to stop cancer. They have found ways to “turn off” cancer cells. It’s true, look into it. Normally I put links in my posts to back up what I say, sadly, today I find that I just don’t care enough about proving my point to include links. These doctors, each one of them, have had all funding snatched away when they get too close to a cure.

This is a different age. What would life be if big government had stopped Dr. Salk? Do you know his name? He discovered the vaccine for polio. Or what if they had stopped Alexander Fleming? He discovered penicillin. Back then scientists were allowed to do their jobs. Because of it our lives our better. We still have scientists that care, they still have the ability to discover new cures. The difference is, government now controls what, and how long, something can be studied. God help us all.

There are still good doctors out there. There are some wonderful cancer centers too. They do what they can. Just imagine for a moment what would happen if suddenly there was a way to turn off cancer. Well now, that wouldn’t be very financially rewarding for the government would it? I’ve met doctors and nurses that are as angry as I am about what’s happening. Until Americans stand up to our bullies in DC there’s just nothing that can be done about it.

There was a time when I would freely give money to reputable companies to “find a cure”. After I learned the truth, I stopped. I also stopped giving to companies that promote “cancer awareness”, we’re all aware of cancer by now.
The only money I give is to companies or individuals that use the money to HELP cancer patients. Either by helping them with medical bills (this ones tricky to prove), or my favorite is the people that help cancer patients by letting them have a fun day, or buy them something they want or need. Something to help them ‘deal’ with cancer.
Now I am certainly not telling you that you shouldn’t give money to cancer organizations. What I am saying is, you need to do your homework. Find out where the money is going. How much of your money is going to ‘cancer research’ and how much is going to the company collecting the money. I think you’ll be shocked at what you learn.
I can’t even begin to count the people on Twitter that offered to sell me a ‘holistic cancer cure’. They are blocked as fast as my little clicker can get there.

I am not saying that chemo and/or radiation does not work because sometimes it does. Some people are ‘cured’ using these, some people are not. What my complaint is, is that we use extremely toxic chemicals to do what we can for cancer patients when it’s archaic. If the Government would get their hand out of the medical world and allow the scientists to do their jobs we could rid the world of cancer. I believe this with NO doubts.
When I first read about the Texas doctor that had his funding snatched away I was beyond angry. Then, after more research I just became amazed. Not at them, at the American public.
I find it amazing that this goes on year after year after year and nobody stands up and says anything. The people that are fighting cancer are usually the only people that research enough to find this out, and nobody cares what alarm a cancer patient sounds. Cancer free people don’t look into it because they have no reason to. Meanwhile, the damn government just continues to get away with this crap because there are no checks and balances for them.
Am I just another bitter old woman dying of cancer? Perhaps. But…the truth is out there and it’s not hard to find. We as a Nation have become so lackadaisical about letting DC get away with whatever they want that when ‘they’ say there is nothing we can do to cure cancer, we, as a nation shrug our collective shoulders and say “oh ok”.

My hope is that someday, someone, will call the government out on this. I don’t see it happening in my lifetime and from what I see with the next generation I don’t hold out a lot of hope there either.

So there. I’ve said my piece. Do with it what you may, but I speak the truth. I don’t know what my future holds. At this moment I feel like if I never see another doctor it will be too soon.

Thanks for all my Twitter love, I love ya’ll right back. Of course with the exception of the lil wanna be wise guy from last night that thought he’d make fun of cancer on MY blog. I bet he wont make that mistake again anytime soon.